As my profile states, I am a pattern breaker. I firmly believe that my children are involved in breaking the pattern cycle in our family and of the families of origin of myself and my husband. This is a picture of my oldest son, Andrew with his daughter Hannah over a year ago. Andrew shortly after that picture was taken was incarcerated on some pretty serious charges - no suprise, drug related. He's been in jail since October 7, 2009 and has been in three county jails in this time frame. I received a letter from him recently that I want to share a part of, here publicly. He talks of being "back in Salt Lake today" in his letter, as he was recently transferred. He writes:
"It was a beautiful drive. I saw three reservoirs on the way here. Starvation, Strawberry and Jordanelle. Everything was so green and bright. I am and I feel like I am seeing the world with brand new eyes. I am a brand new person! I feel stronger now and have more peace than I ever remember having before. I feel so powerful! EVERY THOUGHT AND DECISION I MAKE ON THAT THOUGHT DETERMINES THE DIRECTION AND STATE OF EXISTENCE I WILL BE IN FOR THAT ENTIRE DAY IT SEEMS AND ONTO THE NEXT... I pray for you both everyday. I hope that someday I can give back to you 70x7 those things you have given to me. But if not, I hope to give to my children all that you have given to me and 70x7 more. I love you guys with all my heart. (He's had a son born while incarcerated and this is about him):
...Bless him that he will always exercise and have his Liberty, Agency and Freedom righteously throughout his life."
I rejoice in his words. I have hope of a brighter future for him. He's clearing addiction in himself and for a host of progenitors that came before him, that struggled and never knew any other way to be and then they left this world. He speaks of wanting his son to know Liberty, Agency and Freedom. Liberty to break free of chains that bind. Agency to always be able to choose. When under the influence of certain drugs, choice is gone without EXTREME measures to get it back. Freedom to live a life free of substances that alter how you feel and change who you are and how you respond in life.
I honor my mother who showed me first hand, my entire life what a life of addiction looked like. I saw exactly what I didn't want for myself. I hoped to not "pass on" addiction to my kids. Two of my children struggle with drug addiction. Is it my fault? "Each generation blames the one before...", a line from the song, "The Living Years",(contained in playlist, scroll down). The truth is my mom did her best. I did mine. Is it possible we agreed before we came to this life that we'd act and be for those we love, in a certain way, to assist each other in growth and healing and truly understanding what it means to be alive? Perhaps. It's been my experience - when contemplating this very idea, that the latter is true. My mom was willing to show up FOR ME, the way she did, so I COULD EXPERIENCE what I came here to learn. To OVERCOME ADDICTION! To assist others on that path as well. (Read "The Little Soul and the Sun," by Neal Donald Walsh and 2 Nephi 4: 5-7 in the Book of Mormon)
I welcome your responses, your insights and any questions that may arise in reading this.
I love this son of mine and his two brother's with all my heart and soul. I love their father, who shares in my passion to see this through and eradicate addiction from our family lines! It is ALIVE AND WELL currently in BOTH! Probably in yours too! Overcoming and being better today than you were yesterday is what it's all about!
Kandy.
Awesome Kandy! I love pay days as a parent. You deserve yours..
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